A Dharma Dilemma during the Pandemic
By Ami Kantawala
The COVID 19 pandemic affected our collective future as a family impacting the children’s schooling experiences, my work in academia, and my husband Samrat’s work as an ICU physician at a public hospital. Living with Samrat being at the front lines continues to remain the most challenging aspect of the horror movie of the pandemic which most certainly doesn’t have an end. Remaining cognizant of Samrat’s responsibility as an ICU physician, Aarav and Arshya still continue to live with the innate fright of him contracting COVID and losing him- which they cannot explicitly articulate.
Our fears of the unknown remain on the rise as the cases spike up nationally and globally. Continuing to grapple with the inner conflict of Samrat’s duty towards patient care and the family unit does not seem to have an answer, but elevates that internal turmoil of which duty is right or which duty takes priority over the other when both are equally important? Turning to the notion of Dharma in the Geeta towards the end of quarantine gave me a sense of comfort while juxtaposing Samrat’s dual responsibilities and recognizing the very essence of his actions for the greater good rather than focusing on prioritizing duties. I share some visual reflections from our coping journey below.
Flashback: Coping during Quarantine (April 2020)
As days went by, the tensions of the unknown continued to escalate, we were finding it challenging to cope. Perhaps offering a means to cope, our dear friend, Nana Mary from Sydney Australia, suggested we engage in collective art making using a word from the pandemic that we could relate to. We began our coping journey through the word ‘mask.’ The children and Nana Mary alternated the words using the headlines from The New York Times and our favorite magazine The New Yorker. As a family, we turned to collage making using newspapers and poetry which became an evening ritual. It became a visual conversation between us and Nana Mary, later joined by my adopted mother, and a dear friend from Minneapolis. A conversation from different perspectives of a lived experience continued and took form as a blog (https://samratami.wixsite.com/website). I share a few of our entries below that capture the essence of our experiences
This is our story about experiencing life with a front-line worker, and how we found strength despite the fear that the worse is yet to come.
To learn more about Ami’s dharmic dilemma and the solutions that the Geeta offers, please listen to our podcast Episode 3: Geeta Girl Discusses Dharma on iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and on this website under “Podcast”.
4.18.20: Doctor
This collage is inspired by the reality we are living as a family. My husband is at the front lines of fighting this disease at his hospital: our daily interaction revolves around how many patients are gone and how many survived, is there enough protection (PPE) and whether he is eating well, and an argument here and there about the risks he is dealing with. There is a sense of pride to be part of this and there is a sense of inherent anxiety. There is simultaneously an immediate need to be done with all of it so we can have our family unit back. The word cloud images were done by the kids to honor Samrat. The other images and words are from an article about SUNY Downstate and some personal reflections. This almost feels like a horror movie at times and the end does not seem near but rather an ongoing script- which evolves by the minute...
4.21.20: Ambulance
Streets of NYC are silent... clear blue skies. Not much activity, a feeling of desolation. No cabs or buses or cars flying on Broadway. All I hear is the deafening sirens of ambulances- more frequently than ever in the twenty years that I have lived in NYC... This is the spectacle of NYC without its heart and soul- its people and practices. Poem by my son Aarav.
Every time I see an ambulance
My heart rolls up and down
My feet just pause a little
Because I know there is an emergency around
They help save lives
And then they do it all over again
(Still) Trying to do my best and leave the rest
By Shama Ahuja
Do your best and leave the rest. These are the words to live by, according to the Bhagavad Geeta.
So simple, so profound, and yet so annoying. Why is it annoying? BECAUSE IT’S HARD!
Doing my best isn’t the hard part. I really strive to do my best whenever possible. I like to DO in general; I am an action-oriented, reactive (some might say over-reactive), and solution-oriented kind of person. But the part that is impossibly hard for me is leaving the rest. I know from our Geeta classes that the reason it’s hard for me to leave the rest is because I am too attached. Too attached to what others are doing at work, too attached to what my kids and husband are doing at home and too attached to the garbage happening in the world right now. In general, I am too attached to my expectations of how things should turn out. All this attachment makes me impossibly critical (not my finest quality), but I’m critical because I care…isn’t that worth something?
Maybe…but ultimately I’m learning that whatever I am up against, if I get mired in the challenges, then I can’t get to a solution. I can easily get caught up with why the federal government is not taking the COVID-19 pandemic seriously or wondering if my girls will follow the lessons that I have taught them. I have learned that rather than obsessing on challenges that I cannot control, it is better for me to let go and focus on actually doing MY best instead of worrying about whether the President or my girls are doing their best. Though I do think that it’s important to acknowledge the problems and challenges that we face, which is why I will always need to vent (usually to my besties, with a cocktail in hand).
The Geeta has taught me that to tackle any challenge I need to:
Stay calm and remember that everything passes. I won’t always be working 15 hours a day on this pandemic - I hope!
Detach and leave my ego at the door. It’s okay if Ameya (my daughter) doesn’t read the recipe before she bakes, even though I have told her a ZILLION times.
Be skillful in my actions so that I can move toward productive solutions. I am trying to get better about picking my battles and recognizing that I don’t always have to react, in fact, inaction is also an action.
Easier said than done, but as Sharmila says, we’re all on our own journey but to have faith that we will get there. Have faith (ugh, that’s hard too!).
An inspiring (and appropriate) message I found on a recent hike in Upstate New York
Me and the object of my jealousy, I mean inspiration
“SO, DO YOU WANT TO DO A PODCAST?…”
By Shaila Rao
Okay, I can admit it, I was jealous of my 14 year old son. That was my motivation for asking his Geeta teacher at our local Bal Vihar (Hindu classes for kids) to teach an adult class. I had heard a lot about his new teacher Sharmila even before she started. She had taught Hindu classes for her community in Long Island, including her two children, for years. She and her husband recently moved to Manhattan after both their boys went to college and she wanted to continue teaching. Color me impressed. She had a kid-free Saturday and wasn’t choosing to spend it at brunch or sleeping in! This was my first clue about what a dedicated teacher she is (I’m building the case for my earlier mentioned jealousy).
After Ishan started taking Sharmila’s Geeta class, I grilled him about what he was learning. Instead of monosyllabic responses, I got full sentences from him (whole sentences, people!) about all the amazing lessons the Geeta had for him. He was learning how to stay in the moment, how to deal with anger and frustration, and how to do his absolute best and not worry about the rest. This thousands-of-year-old tome had some real, relevant knowledge for my 21st century teen. What a gift to be getting these lessons at such a young age. I had never cracked open the Geeta but I was intrigued. I wanted a little of that gift of knowledge myself.
I asked Sharmila if she would be interested in teaching an adult class and she readily agreed. Soon we were about 20 individuals coming together in her home to discuss the Geeta’s advice on issues related to work, family, children, world events (her college age sons even dropped in from time to time, one of whom wrote the opening music for the podcast!). I was absolutely impressed with Sharmila’s encyclopedic knowledge of the Geeta’s chapters and verses. But most importantly, I was impressed that she was always open about sharing her own struggles, challenges, and triumphs. She is on this journey with all of us.
After each class, I found myself leaving more empowered with the lessons of the Geeta. I found myself thinking WWKD (What Would Krishna Do?)? And the answer always helped me better manage situations with my kids, husband, family, and colleagues. So after a few years of class, am I fully enlightened? Ready for moksha? Nope, not even close. I’m a work in progress but I am happier, more reflective, and more intentional in my choices.
Aaand I’m no longer jealous of my son. In fact, I felt inspired to create a space for more people to be exposed to the teachings of the Geeta. So I asked Sharmila “do you want to do a podcast?”. After about a year, here we are, ready to launch. I am so happy you have decided to join us on this journey of self-discovery and self-fulfillment. I look forward to continuing to learn and grow with all of you, our Geeta Girl family.
Best,
Shaila, Full time mom and wife, Public Health professional, and (proud to add my new title), part time producer of the Geeta Girl podcast